In loving memory of Phuong Do

This Saturday a couple of us got on our bikes and headed over to Phuong's house. There, we met with her mother and sister, lit incense, and left some dried fruits at her altar. Standing in front of her altar, listening to the prayer chants playing on the stereo, and looking at her picture surrounded by gifts and incense made the whole thing very real, and it was only at this moment that I realized I would never see her again. After we finished lighting the incense and placing the gifts, we sat down in a circle on the floor where her mom proceeded to pour us all tea and pass out oranges. As horrible a tragedy and intense a meeting as this was, it still opened my eyes to the experience of death in a vastly different cultural setting. In America, we have a funeral, say prayers, visit the grave and leave flowers, etc. Here, the whole concept of the spirit moving on to another world takes precedence over everything. Phuong's mother was telling us that she still sets a place for Phuong at dinner time, as she believes her spirit is still in the house. Additionally, many Vietnamese people believe that the burning of gifts will send these items into the afterlife for the deceased to use. You can buy paper versions of almost anything on the street, and we are all going to the pagoda next Friday to burn things that we think Phuong would need in the afterlife. We talked about things she cherished, and her mom mentioned that she was going to buy Phuong a pair of very expensive boots, but was never able to give her this gift. In this light, we will be burning paper boots, paper computers, paper clothes, etc. I would like to find a paper stereo or ipod or something, because I know how much she loved to listen and dance to music. Additionally, people burn letters or postcards written to their deceased loved ones, in the effort to send these messages to the afterlife. I have a letter I will bringing to the pagoda on Friday.

Phuong's altar has been set up for over a week now, and the prayer chants are played 24 hours, 7 days a week. It is believed that these chants will help send the spirit to the afterlife. Once we move her altar to the pagoda, monks will be doing the chants on daily basis. After sitting and talking about Phuong, looking at pictures from the funeral, and planning the paper burning ritual taking place next Friday, I went over to give Phuong's mom a hug. When I introduced myself as Marchie, she immediately knew who I was and said that Phuong spoke of me often, and she invited me to visit the house and Phuong's altar at any time. I felt really moved, because this made me realize what a strong friendship blossomed between Phuong and I over the span of one short year. She was one of the first girls I met when I moved to Hanoi, and her spark and positive attitude made us instantaneous friends. I feel it's only appropriate to include some pictures of her here, since she really was such a beautiful, happy girl. In honor of Phuong's fun-loving attitude and positivity we are all doing our best to smile, and celebrate her life rather than continue grieving. It's been hard, but I know that is how she would want it.